You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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