i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
