when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
