I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
