what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
