Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
