my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
