So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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