You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
