btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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