Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
