i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
