Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
