I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I didn't notice because vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
