You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
