If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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