I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
