Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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