It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm like, not good at living.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
