If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
