There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
