everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
