The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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