First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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