ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
