btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
