I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
