Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
