You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
