it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
