I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
