I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
