My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
