hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
