eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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