I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
