He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
