I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
