I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
