My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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