at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
my poor anus
How does one acquire holy water?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
