I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
another moral hangover. fuck.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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