he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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