Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
