Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
