omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
