Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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