I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
