We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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