I hope mine doesn't look like that
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
